


rabbits in the path

by hyskoa



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27488020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyskoa/pseuds/hyskoa
Summary: the morning brought him peace of mind. the night, however, did not do the same
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	rabbits in the path

**Author's Note:**

> here's a [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/4vsYwuC2CEby8eJLOmf8wM?si=sImq-j82RO-D1VJuw85lOQ) to listen to while you read.

Over and over, I ran at the sea, beating it until I was so tired, I could barely stand. And then the next time I fell down, I just lay there and let the waves wash over me, and I wondered what would happen if I stopped trying to get up. 

— Ruth Ozeki, **A Tale for the Time Being**

  
  


There’s a deep void within Luffy. One that’s shaped like a whirlpool, slowly and steadily growing bigger and bigger. He wonders if it will, one day, consume him whole. 

Quietly, he watches the ocean, its waters black under the night sky. When he’s all alone like this, his heart seems to ache. He still can’t stand being alone; solitude bites him, angrily ripping him apart over and over again. It’s gotten worse since Ace’s death, he thinks.

But Luffy’s the captain of this crew; this crew that’s waged war against the World Government. This crew that’s beaten up countless Warlords. This crew with a name that’s so infamous, they have people impersonating them. He can’t falter all of a sudden and show weakness. He was the core of this crew, after all.

So he goes about his life just as always. He saves countries just as always, brings with him treasure just as always, beats up bad guys just as always, laughs merrily and stuffs himself silly at banquets just as always. He steadily climbs the ladder towards Pirate King, just as always. 

Luffy, two years after his brother’s death, lives his life just as always.

But the whirlpool in him grows bigger and bigger every day, its currents slowly going out of control, as if waiting for his walls to fall down so it can swallow him up. 

“Oi Luffy, what are you doing here?”

He looks up to meet Zoro’s gaze. He has an eyebrow raised, curious at why his captain was up so late at night. 

“Nothing!” he replies, hopping off Sunny-go’s ledge. He lands on the pristine planks of their deck. “What about you?”

“Night watch,” Zoro says, stifling a yawn. 

The silence that takes over them is peaceful. In the background, he can hear the waves lapping against the ship. It almost lulls him to sleep. 

“Say, Zoro,” he starts, tilting his head up to see the sky. The moon shines bright up above, and so do the countless stars that join it. Years ago, he and Ace would watch the night sky, along with Sabo too, deep in the forests of Mt. Colubo. His chest aches again. 

“Yeah?” Zoro replies. 

Luffy thinks twice. 

“Nah, it’s nothing,” he says, a wide smile on his face. “G’night!”

He doesn’t wait for Zoro’s reply. Without another word, he runs off to the bedroom, quietly slipping into his bed. He takes off his hat before he goes to sleep and places it over his face. His world goes black before he could even shut his eyes. 

* * *

In his dreams, he repeatedly relives Ace’s death. 

Over and over again, he sees his brother pierced with a fist covered in lava. 

Over and over again, he feels the warmth leave his brother’s body. 

Over and over again, he hears Ace thank him for loving him, his voice barely a whisper.

Over and over again, he tries to save him, but no matter how much stronger he gets; no matter how much power he amasses, Ace still dies in the end. 

In the morning, Luffy wakes up with a start, cold sweat dripping down his face. No matter how frequent this dream visits him, he still can’t bear the pain of reliving his brother’s death. 

With a hand on his chest, clenching the red fabric of his shirt, he steadies his breathing. He gets out of bed and heads to the dining room where a hearty breakfast awaits him. 

Yet another day starts.

* * *

When the sun is up, he acts the same way he’s always done. He plays around with Usopp and Chopper, messes around with Robo-Franky, bickers with Nami about making stops at weird islands, and catches huge sea creatures for lunch with Zoro. He forces Law to eat the sandwiches Sanji makes for snack time, too. 

Days spent onboard pass idly like this, full of merrymaking and delight. 

It’s not a lie, this part of him. Luffy still has fun on his adventure no matter what. He still lives a jovial life and laughs at funny jokes with all his might. It’s just that now, unlike two years ago, there’s a void within him he can’t seem to get rid of. 

“Luffy, Luffy, check this out!” Chopper says, hauling up some weird multi-coloured sea creature. There’s a warm smile spread across his face as he shows off his fresh catch. “Can I put it in the tank? Can I?” 

“Why not?” he replies, grinning at the reindeer. The two of them head to the tank’s hatchet, pulling it open and dropping it in. “We can ask Sanji to cook it up for dinner too.”

“Yeah!” 

Chopper’s smile melts away all his worries. He tries to do the thing Ace used to do to him when he did something good—the hair ruffling thing, but Chopper’s hat gets in the way. He ends up nearly toppling down his friend instead. He laughs as he apologises. 

Luffy likes it when the sun is up. 

He never feels alone when everyone’s awake and his heart is so full of glee and satisfaction that, for a moment, he forgets about the whirlpool at the bottom of his stomach. 

Consequently, Luffy hates it when the sun goes down and everyone disperses to do their own things—to sleep, to research medicine, to come up with tomorrow’s breakfast while checking the food stock, to train. 

Luffy hates it when night falls and all of a sudden, it feels as if he’s alone in the world all over again. 

Sunny-go rocks gently as he watches the lights go off in the different rooms onboard. One by one, his friends retire for the day. Two years ago, he would’ve been asleep by now, having exhausted his energy tank playing during the day, but now, he was half afraid of falling asleep. 

He didn’t want to relive Ace’s death all over again so soon. 

So he stays up a while longer, staring into the vast sky and endless sea. He stays up a while longer, thinking about the past, the present, and even the future. He stays up a while longer, counting the stars from one to one hundred only to lose track and start all over again. 

“Mugiwara-ya.” Law sits beside him on the grass deck, his sword making a clacking noise when he leans it against his chest. 

He stays up late too—Law. He just sits in the dining room, expressionless as always. Luffy couldn’t tell what he was thinking as he sat there night after night, staring at nothing before he retired to the spare bed in the boys’ bunk at half past midnight. But then again, Luffy was never good at guessing what other people were thinking. 

“Hi, Tora-o,” he says, flashing the warlord a small smile. 

“It’s not good for you to stay up so late,” Law says, a playful smile on his face. Luffy thinks it doesn’t match the monotonous tone of his voice. 

“You’re a doctor, aren’t you?” He laughs, lying flat on the ground. He moves his hat a little so it doesn’t get squished under his weight. “If staying up late is so bad for you, then why are _you_ still up?” 

Law doesn’t reply. 

The two of them sink into a weird silence. It’s not necessarily awkward, but it’s not exactly comfortable either. Luffy isn’t sure what to do or what to say, so he ends up keeping quiet. 

Trafalgar Law was his friend, or at least that’s what he’d like to think. He isn’t sure whether the warlord sees him the same way, but it’s not as if Luffy cares. He never paid any mind to small details like that. If he thinks someone’s his friend, then they’re his friend. That’s how the World of Luffy worked. 

He tries to count the stars again. He gets up to one hundred and eighty-three before he loses count again. He tilts his head to the side to look at Law. He’s staring at the great expanse beyond the ship, the same unreadable expression on his face as always. 

“Hey, Tora-o,” he starts, moving so that he was looking up at the sky again. He tucks his hands under his head. “Have you ever lost someone dear to you?”

There’s a short silence before Law speaks up. 

“Yeah, I have,” he replies, his voice soft and low. 

“What was it like?” Luffy asks him, his usual cheery tone gone and replaced with a more serious one.

“Depressing,” Law replies. 

“Oh.” Luffy doesn’t know what to say. He hasn’t opened up to anybody since Ace’s death. Not to Jinbe, or Rayleigh, or Hancock. Not even to his own crew. “I don’t remember what it was like. All I remember was the pain that came afterwards. I don’t remember what I felt the exact moment Ace died.” 

He wonders what it is about Trafalgar Law that makes him want to open up. 

“Maybe it’s better that way,” Law replies, letting out a small sigh. Luffy takes a peek at him. The warlord has this forlorn look on his face that he can’t really understand. “I heard that Fire Fist died in your arms. Remembering the pain from that isn’t good for you.”

Luffy sits up in one swift motion, resting his hands on his feet. The straps of his slippers feel aged and worn down. He’ll have to ask Nami to mend them again soon. 

“I still dream about that day, you know,” he says, laughing bitterly. He tries to smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m never strong enough to save him in my dreams. No matter how strong I get.” 

The sound of the waves hitting Sunny-go’s lower extremities grow louder and louder. He isn’t sure if he’s just imagining it or if they were about to enter rougher seas. All he knows is that the silence between him and Law was strangely defeaning. Was that a thing? Does silence ever get too noisy, or was he just being an idiot?

“And if you were, Mugiwara-ya?” Law asks, turning to look at him. His eyes burn holes into Luffy, the beady little orbs look strangely distant. As if he were looking beyond him and not at him. “Would you being stronger in your dreams change anything?” 

He says nothing in reply. Luffy knows all too well that him being stronger and amassing all the power in the world wouldn’t change anything. Ace is dead. That’s that—that’s all there is. Even if he got stronger and stronger from here on; even if he somehow grew inhumanly strong overnight, Ace was dead. 

**Monkey D. Luffy couldn’t save Ace and that’s a fact.**

“It’s okay to grieve. You’re allowed that. You’re allowed to be as sad as you want, as angry as you want,” Law says, clinging to his sword tighter as he brings his knees to his chest. “It’s okay to be angry that you weren’t strong enough to save Fire Fist. What you went through, Mugiwara-ya, is something no one deserves to go through.”

He pauses to take a deep breath. Luffy doesn’t know it, but Law half expects him to rebutt his words; to blow his top off or something along those lines. He strikes him as that sort of guy, after all. Plus, this was a touchy subject. For him and Luffy both; each of them with their own skeletons in their closets. 

But the younger pirate doesn’t respond. He just looks at him, no words dripping out of his mouth. Quiet—tranquil, something Law has never expected from him. 

“But you’re here and Fire Fist isn’t.” He continues with what he was saying, never breaking eye contact with Luffy. “That’s the truth and you can act however you want, Mugiwara-ya, but don’t keep all that sadness and hatred to yourself. If you do, it’ll mess you up real good and you’ll end up…”

He trails off without finishing his sentence. Law looks like he has something more to say. Luffy looks at him expectantly, his head tilted to the side in both confusion and anticipation. His curiosity is never satisfied because Law changes the subject all too quickly. 

“Anyways, keeping to yourself and looking so calm and peaceful isn’t your style,” he says, brushing whatever he was going to say earlier under the rug. “You’re probably hurting and grieving so much, it feels like no time has passed since Fire Fist’s passing. But the world keeps moving on, Mugiwara-ya. The pain—it’ll be there for a long time, maybe even forever. But eventually, you’ll learn to live with it or let it go. I won’t say it’ll get better any time soon, but hey, knowing you? Who knows.”

He lets out a soft laugh, a small smile on his face. Luffy thinks it’s the first time he’s seen the warlord look so serene. To Luffy, he was always grumpy. Like Zoro, but worse. He also looks as if he carries the whole world on his back. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, but there’s a burden Law carries on his own and Luffy sees that. 

He wonders if, one of these days, Law will open up to him too. Just as Luffy has done to him. 

“To be honest, Tora-o, I wasn’t expecting that from you,” he says, a lopsided grin on his face. “You kinda look so spacey all the time, I thought you were an idiot.” 

“That’s you, isn’t it?” Law asks, scoffing at him. There’s no malice in his words. 

Luffy snickers at his retort. Tonight is the lightest he’s felt in a while. He stands up and stretches, screwing his eyes close as he extends his body and stifles a yawn. 

“I’m going to bed,” he says, putting a hand on his hat and bringing it up to his head again. “All this talking and thinking’s made me sleepy.”

He takes one good look at the ocean. He can see hints of deep blue here and there. For some reason, it doesn’t look as dark as he thought it was. 

“Thanks for tonight, Tora-o.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

He slips away from the deck and into his bunk. He doesn’t bother taking off his hat or getting under the covers. He’s too tired for those tiny rituals he usually does before bed. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

For the first time in two years, Luffy doesn’t dream of Ace’s death.

**Author's Note:**

> hi. lawlu supremacy, methinks. also, i went crazy one night and came up with this. maybe it's because i'm rereading one piece, maybe it's because i am simply a slave for lawlu. 
> 
> find me on twitter: @vanishedgarden


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